I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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