Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
