ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
