Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
