I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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