I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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