Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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