Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
