I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
thus making me awesome and them whores
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why is there bacon in the couch?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
