he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
