Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
