so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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