wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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