My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
