I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
