Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize