I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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