Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize