Will you blow on my dice?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
