I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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