this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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