She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
