Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
