new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize