My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
