Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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