You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
