Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
