I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
