New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
