I like to think it a success when the cops are called
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
