she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
