Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
