Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
