god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i barfeds in our rink
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
