I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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