Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
