"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize