We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
