It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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