Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
