so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
