If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Houston, we have a blender
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
God, I missed his penis.
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