Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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