I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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