Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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