WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she woke up with a sticky ear
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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