I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize