real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize