I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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