theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is it penis luge time yet?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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