I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
