the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
