Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
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