why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
My vagina just recognized that song.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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