Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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