Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
