martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
