Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
