is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
