I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
