I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
